Today I had a deeply meaningful conversation with Dr. Lee Ostler, and one insight continues to echo in my mind: connection begins with vulnerability.

Lee shared that the root of the word vulnerability comes from the Latin vulner, meaning pain or suffering. Vulnerability is not weakness. It is the willingness to be present with pain, our own and that of others. It is the courage to remain open when it would be easier to protect ourselves. As parents and grandparents, we often feel responsible for fixing problems, offering solutions, or shielding our children from discomfort. Yet true connection may begin when we simply sit with them in their experience. Not as experts. Not as rescuers. As fellow human beings.

Lee also spoke about the relationship between the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex. The amygdala is wired for survival. It reacts, protects, and seeks safety. The prefrontal cortex is where creativity, wisdom, empathy, and conscious choice emerge. Remarkably, this part of the brain is still developing through the late teens and even into the early twenties.

That insight reminded me that young people are not simply smaller adults. They are still becoming. When they react emotionally, make mistakes, or struggle to navigate life, they are often operating from a brain that is still under construction. What they need from us is not judgment but patience, understanding, and guidance.

Perhaps that is one reason grandparents can play such an important role. With five children, twenty-one grandchildren, and nine great-grandchildren, Lee has witnessed multiple generations learning, growing, stumbling, and finding their way. His wisdom carries the perspective that comes from seeing life unfold over decades rather than moments.

The lesson I am taking with me is simple: if I want deeper connection with my children, with future grandchildren, and with the people I lead, I must choose vulnerability over certainty, curiosity over judgment, and compassion over correction. Connection is not built by having all the answers. It is built by being fully present.

Blessings, Mark Porteous