As I grow older and watch my family grow (21 grandkids and 10 great-grandchildren), I find myself reflecting more on what truly matters. I've been blessed to pursue meaningful work, to have an impressive bio, written a lot of books, to be recognized in my profession and community, to experience good health, and to enjoy many of life's blessings. Yet seven decades of life has taught me that success doesn't exempt anyone from the struggles of life. Every family—every person—faces challenges.

Some are actually quite tough! Hard schooling. Divorce. Single parenting. Remarriage. Business stress and financial struggle. Family tensions. Self-doubt. And those pesky childhood wounds! Somehow, someway, those issues always show up somewhere in the family, if not yourself! It’s different for everyone. But what’s the same is the struggle - the battle! Everyone has times of failing, disappointment, and uncertainty. Wondering if they are adequate and enough, if they have what it takes. If they are valid. It’s being human.

Rather than this being a typical “about me” moment where all my accolades and accomplishments are laid out to impress the world or to scratch the itch of a childhood insecurity, I am learning to be real in telling my story—knowing that others will see their story in mine and maybe find courage knowing there is hope. To be human isn’t just about making mistakes. It’s the capacity to learn from them and to find joy in helping others. It becomes your mission!

My biggest life-lessons and growth haven’t come from school or professional achievements, but from making mistakes and then fixing them. It’s really that simple. It’s the quiet work each day of becoming a better father and grandfather, a better friend - basically just becoming a better person. The older I get, the more I realize that wisdom isn't simply knowing more. It is judging less. Accepting more. Connecting better. And knowing any influence I might have will happen because of who I become and what I model–not so much from what I do or don’t do. It is seeing people more clearly, listening more carefully, and loving more compassionately.

I’ve learned that any influence I might have begins with my self-awareness and growth. The most meaningful influence I have had in my family has not come from perfect advice or strategy. It has come from my own vulnerability. Being willing to examine my own assumptions, recognize my blind spots and continue growing myself. At times this journey has not been fun. But it has been worth it. It has made me more curious, more reflective, more aware of my impact - more hopeful than ever that my influence just might break a pattern or family cycle that makes life better for my adult children and grandkids.

I'm still learning. But I’d like to believe that what I have discovered can also be a model for anyone else looking for a clearer path forward in their own life. About how they can break the patterns and cycles that flow through their family.

I’ve learned that the most important thing I can give my family is an emotionally regulated parent and grandparent. One worth following. If my experience encourages anyone else to navigate life better - to find more hope, deeper connection, or renewed purpose - then it is worth it. That’s what matters! That’s the new me!